If I do not believe in me then there is no me.

Dear Diary,                                                                     25/03/13

I have to make a really important and risky decision on whether I should obtain the role of Jerome and no longer be existent in order to achieve my dreams and goals and prove to everyone that I am capable of doing the same as the “natural born” babies and go to space. I think it might be a struggle for me, not knowing whether people would find out who I really am, if I do go with this. I keep having second thoughts about whether or not I should go through with this and change who I am completely. Its going to be difficult work, having to scrub off my dna as hard as possible off my body, carrying his blood and urine in bags taped on me, changing my hair style, having to become taller through a very painful exercise, changing my hair so it looks like his, wearing contacts so that nobody knows I wear glasses and it seems like I have 20/20 vision. What if someone were to recognize me, and they realize I’ve been a fake all along, that I’m really an invalid in a valid persons position. What would they think? What would they do? Would I ever be able to live through the regret, my thoughts, and the fact that everyone was right? I am not sure if I should do it or not. I know I can but the possibility of being recognized, or something going wrong is much greater then the possibility of this all going smoothly and as planned. I hate the fact that people are creating their babies in test tubes calling it the “natural” way. I understand why they do it though, its so there is no discrimination against their children, like there is with me.   Invalids are given a life of low self worth and solitude because they have no apparent future.   I want to show everybody that an invalid like me can outsmart the valids around themselves and reach a life of bliss and success. That our ambition is something we truly aim to achieve and will stop at...