As a parent, I believed that my son would outlive me and have sons and daughters of his own and we could grow old watching them have families of their own, because that was the way of life.   I had hopes and dreams for my son.   When he died, it completely destroyed my world and left so many unanswered questions.   I was completely lost and bereaved.   Rebuilding my life and becoming one of the living again has been a long, hard struggle.   The death of my son changed my life and me as a person forever.
Everything I had believed in and held dear to my heart was gone in a blink of the eye.   It     has been almost three years since my son ended his life on October 3, 2008.   It seems like only yesterday.   My son was such a young man, only 29 years old and had everything to live for. The day of my son death is the day my world and everything in it was changed forever.   Everything I believed in, such as, my dreams, my hopes, my peace of mind and all I held dear to my heart was shattered and gone forever. Nothing in my life could have prepared me for his death or bewilderment that would become a part of my life.     Life as I knew it had changed forever.   I couldn’t think or feel anything other than the pain that was in my heart.   My family and my friends worried for me and wanted me to come and stay with them.   How could I go and stay with anyone, when I was like a zombie or the living dead.   The days did not mean anything to me anymore.   Everything I did was like a robot on autopilot.   I ate because someone put food in front me and slept when my mind was so exhausted I had to sleep.   I would sit for hours just staring into space with the unbearable pain in my heart, while all the unanswered questions like” Why did you do that?”, “How am I supposed to go on?” plus hundreds of other questions raced through my mind.   Somehow I knew that I had to get a handle on myself again or be forever lost.
I knew my son would have wanted me to go on with life and make the most of...