Dear John,
                    I am sorry that I have to write this letter to you instead of actually talking to you, but I just cannot leave everything that I have here to be with you. I cannot risk Samuel’s life and endanger him out there in that extremely violent world of yours to be with you.

Although the way I feel about you is the same as I felt for my former husband, I don’t think I’m strong enough to have a completely different life style. The life style of your world. I simply cannot leave Eli all alone here in the community, and betray him by moving out with you because of the deeds he has done for Samuel and I over the years. My role in your community would be so much different to my role in our Amish community that I personally don’t think I’d be able to survive. Here I cook, I clean, and over there it would be different. I’d have to get a job, work and earn a living. That would be so much different from my Traditionalist beliefs and my traditional way of life as a woman. The question I always ask myself when I consider leaving my life is, How can I possibly go out there, in that violent, incoherent world, and risks Samuels life?

The Amish community is my life. This is where I was brought up. My beliefs and values are much different from yours, and your way of life and your beliefs and values. I have learnt to devote myself to God, to Samuel, to Eli and to the Amish community. John, You must   believe me , I have tried to convince myself that I can leave but my love, I simply can’t.

I write this letter with great regret, knowing that I may not see you ever again. Unfortunately, our circumstances do not allow us to do what we both really want, and that is to be together. One day when I am a stronger person, we might just try and be together,

                                                                                                  Love Rachel.