College matters to me because studies show that college graduates make more money, and I would like to make plenty of money.   I would like to make plenty of money because it helps others, is very patriotic, and God wills it to be my destiny.

Firstly, when you have money, you tend to spend money also.   This could be on a Lexus, a BMW, a Caddie Coupe de Ville, or possibly, to impress someone, a hybrid. The auto companies (they are really struggling these days), the gas companies (some of which use ethanol now), and even the mechanics (their hourly wages could put several families through college), all benefit.   When you have money you don’t have to shop at those Big Box stores that use the sweaty people (foreigners that get shot if they ask to use the bathroom), and you can afford designer clothes made in America, which is really much more patriotic

Secondly, on the American subject of patriotism, making lots of money is the American way, because that is what runs our great country.   Some people say it is freedom and democracy, but who cares about these if you can’t afford a really hot car or a plasma.

Thirdly and last, but definitely NOT LEAST, God wants everyone to be happy and fulfilled.   This means especially me, because a voice told me in a dream that this is my manifold destiny (well, the CD player was on, and it did sound like Madonna, but don’t worry about that).   Since money is the source of happiness and college is the source of my future money, my analysis tells me you will help others and further patriotism by admitting me to your school and offering me a full financial aid package. God also told me you should really think about waiving the GPA and SAT requirements because it is more democratic that way, and not all of us want to be geeks.

About the author: Claire Barry is a poet who has taught English composition at the high school level (which does not technically, as some have suggested, qualify her for sainthood).