Disappearing Act


And so the thought occurred to me last night in a bit of a pity party “what if I just did a disappearing act?” “What if I suddenly just vanished?”   Would it even make a difference?   Would my absence make life easier for those around me?   Would the elimination of the drama that I bring into their lives make their lives easier?   Would anyone even notice?   I was so frustrated with myself last night because of an event that had happened weeks ago that I the thought occurred to me that I should just vanish.

Of course most of that is just foolish talk.   I love the people in my life far too much to just disappear, to quit communicating with them altogether.   I’m sure if I went a day with out emailing, texting, tweeting, facebooking, or foursquaring those who know me best would first be beating down my door to check on me, and then they would call 911.   Actually, the day you find that I haven’t done anything on any of those social media sites, PLEASE be sure to check on me.   That’s an incredible sign that something just isn’t right.

The thing is, sometimes, even though I’ve come a long way in the self-esteem department in these last several years, I’m still very much a work in progress.   I still often feel unworthy of the love and friendship that is in my life.   I don’t like to hurt people’s feelings, I don’t like to create situations where people are uncomfortable (I created one of those a few weeks ago, and it may be a while before I forgive myself, even if the person I am with has mercy enough in his heart to forgive me—let me just say lesson learned.   LESSON LEARNED LOUD AND CLEAR!)

Here’s my confession:   I still have a lot of “me” to work on.   I’m very much a work in progress.   Yet, disappearing isn’t the answer to becoming everything I need to become.   I get sad sometimes, I get lonely sometimes. I even throw myself a pity party from time to time.   As I’ve said, each day I am allowed to wake up, I have been given a new opportunity to...