Broken Heart

Brian M. Malabanan
Prof. Kirin Farquar
ENG 098
April 26, 2009
Inside… I Am Dead
It has been almost two and a half years since Monica and I broke up, but it feels as if it just happened yesterday. I can still hear her say over the phone that our relationship is over and I could not believe what I was hearing. Looking for an explanation as to why we were breaking up, I asked her what had gone wrong. With no clear answer, I was left broken and confused. I compare myself with Jimmy Santiago Baca, because we both were affected by women who broke our hearts, and I can identify with Jimmy’s longing to be loved and wanted. Jimmy’s broken heart changed him and he made decisions that eventually made him a better person today.
Experiencing life with a broken heart is difficult. One can go crazy over the loss and there is an overall feeling of regret. When Monica and I broke up, I was a mess. People around me would try to make me feel better by giving me advice and reminding me that there were other girls to choose from. My friends would say “there is plenty of fish in the sea” and I would respond with “but what if she was the big fish?” What if this whole this thing is my fault? What if I did not do enough to make her happy? I kept asking myself questions, as if I could find closure in any potential answers. I would spend hours at the gym, running, and isolating myself from the world, thinking about it for months, and eventually for a year. Jimmy would sit on top of a mountain trying to reflect on what has happened to his life. The quiet mountain revitalizes him for a moment and gives him a peace of mind. “I was running to the foothills of the Sandias. The mountains would make me forget what happened. Sitting up there I could have some peace of mind and try to figure the situation out” (Baca 40). Like Jimmy, I would just sit there alone with a can of beer, tears rolling down my cheeks, and think only about what had happened between Monica and I. With the alcohol...